I'm So Broken...Lord, Where's My Hello-Kitty Band-Aids???

Recently, I have found myself broken before the Lord...ALOT! I'm in this season that know one really likes to be. It's the kind of season where the Lord is trying to teach me so much that me head just starts turning and spinning with confusion. It's the kind of season that I will be thankful for in a year, but just want to be out of right now. I feel as if I am being led in so many directions. hearing so many voices, and not being able to pick out HIS. I want Him, I NEED Him, and I want His will to be done. I want His desires to be fulfilled, and I want to be able to accept anything He places in my path. That's easy to say...anything is easy to say, but It's so hard to actually do.
I'm studying the book of Ruth right now with my friend Danielle. If you know Ruth's story, then you know that she entered a land completely foreign, even when she was given multiple chances to turn back. She knew God wanted her to go with Naomi to Bethlehem. It's hard for me to know what I would have done if I would have been in Ruth's shoes. If God said, "Hey Caroline, I want you to go live in Algeria, (the first country I saw when I googled a map of Africa) where you don't know anyone, the language, or the ways of the society. I just want you to go and serve me. I will provide everything that you need. Just trust me and go." Would I go? I mean if God has just said go to China, there would have been no question...but Algeria. More than likely I would have said no. I would have rejected a chance for God to use me, a chance for me to be His hands and feet. Is that convicting or what???
It makes me wonder how many times I've said no to God for the little things. "Hey Caroline go sit with him. Hey Caroline, you love me right, then go to this." I know I've done. I want to be in a place where I can just say, "YES LORD." I want that so bad. I crave that. I want my Hello-Kitty Band-Aid, a chocolate-chip cookie, Survivor re-runs and for my life to just be perfect. Well...I'm far, far, ohhh so far from perfect.
I'm confused and upset with myself when I have struggles, or doubts. I know and trust though that struggles with God aren't a lack of faith, but they ARE faith. Anytime you struggle in a relationship, you always grow stronger, and wiser. I'm working on my relationship, and He's always holding a box of Hello-Kitty Band-Aids, even if I can't always see them. He's chiseling away my pride and selfishness, mending my beautiful, broken mess, and molding me into the Caroline He's long planned for me to be!

Praying for His Guidance

Psalm 119:105 says, "Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." I am praying, praying, praying for the Lord's guidance right now because He can see the bigger picture and I know that He knows what is best. I really like Psalm 119:105 because it is so misunderstood. People think that God is supposed to lay before them a road map, that tells them how far away the next step is, when to turn right, left or when to just keep going straight. A lamp only lights our way for a certain amount of yards. God will reveal His plan to us a little bit at a time and we have to keep holding onto Him and trusting Him as we follow His lighted path. With that being said, that is MY greatest struggle right now. After being in China this past June and witnessing God's heart for the orphans up close and personal, I know that that is my calling. I am just dying to hold little "Martha" in my arms, laugh with Lola, and kiss Jim right this very moment. I know the Lord has called me to go back to China, I just don't know when it is that I'm supposed to go back. THAT IS SOOO HARD TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND! I do know that God has called me to Nashville...Brentwood Academy...10th Grade....Forensics Team....Clearview Baptist Church....5th Grade SS Teacher...Youth Group...at this very season in my life. I need to honor Him with my gifts and talents here right now and be ALL here. If I'm not "all here" then I'm going to miss out of those special little encounters with Him that I crave daily. Jim Elliott said, "Wherever you are, be all there." Believe me, I'm trying, but it's definitely tough when I am so longing to be THERE! I am waiting, serving, and praying. I'm praying for His guidance. I am praying for Him to allow me to be ALL here. I am praying for him to slowly light the way that reveals what's next. I am excited, nervous, anxious and happy. I am His servant, His daughter, His follower. He takes great pleasure in me, the work that He has created. I need to strive daily to take great Delight in Him. I will go wherever, whenever, and however because I know that He will provide and equip me with the strength and abilities to carry His name throughout the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc7orBfhEmk

Rrriiigghhhttt?

Well, quite a while ago now, I decided to join the blogging world and since then I have completely FAILED at maintaining it. I didn't want to completely delete my blog and start over because I felt that the posts that I have posted are important things that God has spoken. Therefore, I have decided to start over but not at the same time. I'm really confusing rrriiiigghhhttt?
Anyways, my blog is becoming my journal. God speaks to me in some way, shape, or form everyday and it's time I start praising Him for His awesome deeds.

The Good Samaritan!

So...this happened quite a while ago but I never got around to blogging about it. Not being able to drive is very problematic, so I decided I would explore trails on my bike to see if any could lead to my friend Lane's house so that over the summer I could bike to see her. I was just turning down random roads and had been biking for about an hour when my peddles stopped going. They were rotating, but the rotating was leading anywhere. I didn't really know what to do because I was about 2-3 miles from my house. I started pushing my bike thinking, "Awesome! Really??? What in the world is wrong with my bike? It's not even that old and now I'm pushing it in heat for 3 miles." My happy, carefree, tree-hugging I love biking attitude quickly shifted. Some other bikers passed me and a few runners. They would just look at me pushing my back and then go on with there happy, carefree, tree-hugging biker/runner attitudes. However, there was this one guy that was running my way. He looked like he was in his 30's or so. As he got closer he took out his ipod head phones and asked me if I was all right. I told him that I was just biking along when all of the sudden the peddles stopped pushing me forward. He said the chain had just fallen off and he could easily put it back on. I was so thankful that the Lord had sent me a good Samaritan that was willing to stop his work-out and help me finish mine. Once the chain was on, his hands were pretty dirty. I told him I was sorry he had to stop and get all dirty but that I was very appreciative. He said no problem and then continued with his run. As I got back onto my bike, the chain was fixed, but now the peddles weren't moving at all. "Oh no," I thought, "what's going on now?" As I turned around to see if the man was still nearby I saw that he was already running back towards me. "Is it not working?" he asked. I told him that the peddles weren't moving at all. "Oh, your gears are just out of shift from the chain being off." He did a few more things than it was fixed. I remember saying thank you a billion times to him because he had been so nice to someone he hadn't even met. There's so many cruel, rude people nowadays, but there are still so much more good, and genuinely kind people. As I biked off I turned around to wave. He stayed on the trail and watched me for a few seconds to make sure that nothing else went wrong. My happy, carefree, tree-hugging I love biking, thankful for nice people attitude was back! God really showed me, through that man, what it looks like to be a good Samaritan.

I'm Cinderella and My Daddy's the King of THE World

Friday night, I was able to go to Show Hope's Cinderella Night! It was...MAGICAL! Some amazing actors and actresses performed Roger and Hammerstein's version of Cinderella. At the end Steven Curtis Chapman sang Cinderella and Spring is Coming. During the last song he was accompanied by children who had once been orphans but had now found their forever families. They were precious and I wanted them all. Hearing his words and watching those children gave me chills. I know they Lord has called me to adopt and I can't wait to see the plans he has for me this summer while working with orphanages in China.

It's God's Money

Towards the end of April we had a high school retreat. We were given the opportunity to take an envelope with a $5, $10, or $20 dollar bill inside. The money was God's money and you were suppose to pray about it and then use it in whatever way God wanted you to. After praying about it, my best friend Lindsey and I decided we would do a Bake Sale/Lemonade Stand to multiply God's money and use it in various ways to glorify him. We made a cute flyer to give to everyone who bought something or donated money to our "Goodies for Good Works" so they knew what their money was going towards. Lindsey and I stayed up until about 2 AM they night before and woke up at 8 to get our fundraisor (sp) started. After 5 long hours we found ourselves with $224. My $20 bill and Lindsey's $10 bill from our envelopes had definitely multiplied and we were so excited. The story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 comes to mind when I think of the way our money was multiplied. The Lord simply told me and Lindsey to bring him what we had and he was would use it to help many. We hope to do 3 or 4 more Bake Sales/Lemonade Stands throughout the Summer and continue to raise more money. Below I've inserted portions from our flyer because I have no idea how to actually insert the flyer.

GOODIES FOR GOODWORKS!!!!!

Your Donations Can Change an Orphan’s World, help Flood Victims, sponsor mission trips, and go towards an HPLS patient!

Where Are Your Donations Going:

-Lindsey’s Mission Trip to Missouri and Caroline’s Mission Trip to China

-Nashville Flood Victims

Philippians 2:4- Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Ayden was born about 3 weeks ago and is currently in recovery in the PCCU. .He was born with HPLS (hypoplastic left heart syndrome). In layman's terms, the left side of his heart is grossly underdeveloped, which leaves the right side to do all of the work. He has gone through his first surgery and will continue to deal with this problem and have various surgeries throughout his life. His mom, Allison was both of our 7th grade Literature teachers. A portion of our donations while go towards helping
the Mills Family!

Flood Moments

Wow!!! Never in my life have I seen anything more crazy in Nashville then THE FLOOD! Driving around Saturday, I didn't think much of it. You know, just the normal rain that comes quite often here lately. It just kept getting harder and by about 4 in the afternoon it was getting BAD. Erin, Aubrey, and I were driving to the BA Dance Show and every road we turned on was getting closed because certain parts were flooding. Sunday, the same thing happened. By Monday, there was over a billion dollars worth in damage and EVEN Brentwood Academy had cancelled school. There are so many people that need help. Just the other day, I was riding my bike through River Oaks with a friend. I hadn't been able to go inside a flooded house and help anyone yet, but this lady was cleaning off her porch and looked like she needed help. My friend and I went over there and soon found out it was Mrs. Yarbrough ad BA mom. She gave us a tour of her house, which was devastating. We were able to help her clean her porch and she was so grateful. I truly didn't know how bad the damage was until Mrs. Yarbrough showed me her house. The entire downstairs had been ripped up and they weren't even living there at the moment. As we were riding our bikes away all I could think of, was God doesn't guarenteed (sp) anyone tomorrow...only today and WHY IN THE WORLD DID THE LORD CHOOSE MY HOUSE TO BE SAFE? I very well could have had a flooded and demolished house, but by the Grace of God I didn't and I will forever be thankful. As I went home and told my mom about helping Mrs. Yarbrough she told me she had just talked to her a week before the flood. Their house had been on the market recently and it was one parents wanted to buy. My mom said her and Mrs. Yarbrough had talked about if our house sold had sold, we possibly would have made an offer on there house and if ours did sell this summer was she still interested in selling hers? Mrs. Yarbrough said yes and was giving my mom details of the house. She said they had always had flood insurence (sp) but at the beginning of this year decided not to renew it because of putting the house on the market, plus it hadn't flooded in 10 years. 1 week later their entire downstairs was flooded with no insurence (sp) to cover the damages. That could have been my house. My mom always complains about our house not selling. By the Grace of My Savior it hadn't sold yet, because if it had there is is a high chance we would be in the position the Yarbroughs are in right now. I can't wrap my mind around all this damage. It's insane. As soon as school gets out (JUST A FEW MORE DAYS!!!) I want to go start helping more flood victims because I know that if I had been in their shoes, with a flooded home, they would be helping me.

A Reminder of Who's In Control

You NEVER Let Go!!!

"Oh no YOU never let go, through the calm and through the storm! Oh no YOU never let go in every high and every low! Oh no YOU never let go! Lord, YOU never let go of me!" WOW!!! What a thing to praise the Lord for! Knowing that he goes with me everywhere (Joshua 1:9) gives me so much comfort. These past couple days have been rainey!!! Never before have I seen Brentwood, TN FLOOD! It's even made national news. The national guard are here and Brentwood and Franklin have been declared to be in a state of emergency. I keep thinking to myself..hey Lord are you sure you don't want be to build an ark? He keeps assuring me that he holds the whole world in His hands and he's got it under control. What a pleasant reminder of the one whose truly in control...OUR CREATOR. The YMCA is completely flooded. Jake and Diane (Paul and Erin's friends) got their car flooded at River Park off Concord Road. The Lees have 10 in. in there backyard. The Bechtels have a flooded basement. The Heyens' and Wallaces' yards are under water. The basement of the Fine Arts building at my school looks like an indoor swimming pool. Our "creek" that is never full of water is overflowing. It showed on the news today that a lady had to have the doctors come to her house to deliver her baby because she was trapped inside. Call 911...no Call on Jesus! The Tellers have been my rainbow and sunshine these past couple days. Their precious children light up my life! Tonight Erin was driving me home and said, "Caroline, maybe just maybe the Creator trying to tell us something. A little sprinkle just isn't enough for this world anymore. Maybe it's about time we all WAKE UP! People get so consumed by their material possessions and maybe now without some of them, they will be able to truly fix their eyes back to Christ." Erin was soooooo beyond RIGHT! We have to wake up and turn our eyes back to Christ. We have to realize that no matter how hard the rain falls, or how much the river overflows...that HE NEVER LETS GO!

"You are on the Path of My Choosing" -Jesus Calling

My daily devotional book, Jesus Calling often speaks to me every time I open it to read. Today's title was, "You are on the Path of My Choosing." I am on the path that God's chosen. That is so hard for me to comprehend sometimes. It's a constant struggle to not swirve onto Caroline's path. I'm a planner and I plan everything. I find myself so often lying in my bed after a full night of homework stressing and worrying about something days, weeks, and even months away. "Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future...They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present" -May 1st Jesus Calling. Coming up on the end of the school year, I have tried to get better about not stressing and worrying and just giving it all to God. It has definitely given me peace over all that's been going on. I strive to stay on the path of Christ, because I know that he has INCREDIBLE pit stops along the way and a few floods that he'll help me swim through whenever they arrive. As a follower of him, it is my desire not going to worry about the floods now because they are in the future. I long keep my head in the present, and let the Lord direct my steps and enable me to walk along His path.

"I'm up for whatever YOU have in mind"

Nobody likes to suffer or go through hard times....I surely don't. However, I feel like when I do trip and fall in that muddy puddle or have the thunder storms swirl and swirl around me are the times when I truly grow closer to my Savior. It's the hard times when people so often question the power of our Savior, but for me it's those times when I see His arms outstretched and holding onto me the most. I'm not saying yay hard trial...absolutely not!!! I just take those trials as an opportunity to strengthen my faith because when I have, God has shown me things that I never thought were possible. Through Him I have been changed, and my relationship is so much stronger and no longer will I doubt the power of my Creater. Psalm 18:2 assures me that the Lord is MY rock, MY fortress, and MY deliverer. He is who I take refuge in and my stronghold. It's verses like these that make me smile, and give me courage. The courage to look at what ever situation I am facing and say, "You didn't get me this time." I look at everyday as a gift. A precious gift that God's given me not to take on alone, but with Him happily rejoicing and holding His hand the entire time.

*If you like NOOMA videos, I came across these and both I have been able to relate to my life on so many levels

Love God by Loving People

What a better way to share God's love than with the children you babysit. Babysitting is my life and makes me sooooo happy. Right now I am babysitting some family friends Cooper and Connor Smith. They constantly amaze me. They have such a huge heart for the Lord. They both act and sing in our church's children programs. Connor has been walking around the house singing worship songs. How AWESOME (and he's really good)! It looks like these kids are teaching me, more than I am teaching them. According to Connor, "We are Gleekers" (We are watching Glee). Correction...Gleekers who glorify God!!!

Psalm 147:1- Praise the Lord. How good it is to sing praises to our God, how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Cooper and Connor went on a Mission Trip to NYC this past summer and praised their Savior in the middle of Times Square! I'm telling you...these kids are AWESOME!!!!

Jaderious...the face of Jesus

God IS God!

Just a couple weeks ago, I got into the car after school. Let's see it was Wednesday, the 31st of March. I was super excited to go to church because it had been a while since I had been there because of Spring Break traveling. I was most excited to sit and talk with my youth pastor Paul and catch up on all that God has been doing in my life in the past month. He had made some things very clear to me that I couldn't wait to share with Paul. When I go to church on Wednesday nights, I get picked up from school around 4 and go straight there even though church doesn't start until 5. I normally talk to Paul and his assistant Heather and then help set up for the night. My mom asked my what I was going to do getting there so early and I said, "Hang out with Paul mom, that's what I always do." I remember my mom saying, "Caroline he's probably not there. Something's happened and maybe it be better if you just went home tonight." I got really mad because my mom wouldn't tell me what was going on. "I will tell you later Caroline," she said. "Why can't you just tell me now." "Because I don't even know," she replied. "He's not dead is he?" "No," she said back. The assurance that Paul was still alive made be feel much better. Paul had been my youth pastor throughout Middle School, and even though I was in high school, he still remained a huge part of my life. He had impacted my life MORE than anyone I had ever known. I became a Christian in 3rd grade, but I was young. I was never really able to grasp what I supposed to do now that I was a Christian, until I had Paul as my teacher. He taught me that being a Christian wasn't just a one-way ticket to heaven that you now had in the back of your pocket. It was much more than that. Now that you had that ticket, you could not just revert back to your old ways, because God has great big plans for your life that you won't be able to see if your eyes aren't fixed on him. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." With my eyes fixed on Christ, I was able to understand and see so much more. Paul taught me that to truly love God, you had to love him by loving people.

Throughout my 8th grade year, our so called "motto" was Dirty Hands. It meant get your hands dirty for Christ, in wherever he called you to serve. That year for me it was in Union Springs, AL; a mission trip for only the 8th graders. We would go and serve some of the least of these and be the hands and feet of our Savior. Matthew 25:40- "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'' I was with 4 and 5 year old children in the VBS we did there. Oh, how they changed my life. They were some of the most precious children, that I have ever met. When Jesus tells us that whatever we do for the least, we also do for him, I think that when I was with those children was when I was best able see his face. I feel that I really saw Jesus through this kid named Jaderious. Jaderious was an African-American little boy, and Union Springs was very much still segregated. Therefore Jaderious was the outcast. I didn't notice him till much later during the week. I had kids constantly on top of me. Later one day, I felt a tap on my shoulder (I was giving a piggy-back ride to a girl named Caroline). It was Jaderious. He said, "Can I have a turn." I had never seen him and thought it was precious that he came up to me. "Sure," I said. Little Caroline on my back got very angry and told me to tell Jaderious to go away because we weren't supposed to play with people like him. It broke my heart to have 4 year old girl tell me that. It was then that I formed a special relationship with Jaderious, because when I told him to hop on, I saw a smile in his face that I had never before seen in a child. It reminded me of Christ's love for us. That so many times people reject him, but when you accept him, or tell him to "hop on" into your life, he smiles. That week was a life changing week for me and a great way to end my time in the Middle School Ministry. It was so cool to be on that trip with Paul, because just like me he has a huge love for God's children.

Later, on the night of August 31st my mom came home and came up to my room to finally tell me WHAT IN THE WORLD was going on. Paul had been dismissed. Whatever that meant, I was not sure, but all I knew is that Paul was no longer at Clearview (my church). I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. No, it wasn't possible. No one can get rid of Paul. Paul has changed the lives of more people at Clearview than anyone. What? No! I remember having all of this go through my head and once my mom left I burst in to tears. The verse Acts 8:31 came to my mind. It says, "How can I learn, without someone to guide me?" Paul had taught me everything and now he was gone, not from my life, just from my church. For me church is such a place of growth. You grow so much in your relationship with Christ and through Paul's teaching I was able to grow. What was going to happen now? I just started to pray. I prayed for acceptance, understanding, and for Paul, Erin, and their 2 kids. I couldn't even imagine what Paul was going through, if I was bawling my eyes out. Normally, when I go through hard circumstances I expierence 3 stages: a mad stage, a sad stage, and an acceptance stage. I should probably add a 4th one because right now, I am still so shocked. But God is God, and I have to continue to realize that God does all that he does for very specific reasons; reasons that constantly confuse me, but that he always clears up. I am still very close to Paul, Erin, Aubrey, and Brody and always will be, and I love them so very much.

Hey...I'm a Blogger

"Taste and See that the Lord is Good" -Psalm 34:8. Recently in my life I have expierenced many trials. Whether it be something small or something large, my faith has greatly been tested. My new saying is, "God's plans are bigger and better. His sometimes unfortunate timing is always perfect. And both of the above are constantly beyond my understanding" -The Lord through Me. Not getting to go to China, and Paul Teller leaving Clearview have been 2 of the hardest things I have EVER had to deal with. Throughout the next couple weeks I am going to let you in on my life and what's been going on. God is good. God is still good. I'm going beyond the bubble of Williamson County and I will be the hands and feet of Christ. The Lord has called me, and it's time for me to wake up and finally answer the phone. I am not perfect, therefore this blog will not be perfect because I am sinner, but I have a Savior. I am awful at grammar and the world's worst speller, but I am loved, loved by the King of of kings. I feel really cool being a blogger, like you don't even know. So get excited, and follow me on this journey. It's definitely one that's changing my life. The light won't always be green, and I will constantly be hitting speed bumps. Life is a puzzle and together God is helping me slowly put the pieces together. While this all may seem confusing, my posts will start to explain. This is my intro, short, but only the beginning. "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" -Genesis 1:1.