God IS God!

Just a couple weeks ago, I got into the car after school. Let's see it was Wednesday, the 31st of March. I was super excited to go to church because it had been a while since I had been there because of Spring Break traveling. I was most excited to sit and talk with my youth pastor Paul and catch up on all that God has been doing in my life in the past month. He had made some things very clear to me that I couldn't wait to share with Paul. When I go to church on Wednesday nights, I get picked up from school around 4 and go straight there even though church doesn't start until 5. I normally talk to Paul and his assistant Heather and then help set up for the night. My mom asked my what I was going to do getting there so early and I said, "Hang out with Paul mom, that's what I always do." I remember my mom saying, "Caroline he's probably not there. Something's happened and maybe it be better if you just went home tonight." I got really mad because my mom wouldn't tell me what was going on. "I will tell you later Caroline," she said. "Why can't you just tell me now." "Because I don't even know," she replied. "He's not dead is he?" "No," she said back. The assurance that Paul was still alive made be feel much better. Paul had been my youth pastor throughout Middle School, and even though I was in high school, he still remained a huge part of my life. He had impacted my life MORE than anyone I had ever known. I became a Christian in 3rd grade, but I was young. I was never really able to grasp what I supposed to do now that I was a Christian, until I had Paul as my teacher. He taught me that being a Christian wasn't just a one-way ticket to heaven that you now had in the back of your pocket. It was much more than that. Now that you had that ticket, you could not just revert back to your old ways, because God has great big plans for your life that you won't be able to see if your eyes aren't fixed on him. Hebrews 12:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." With my eyes fixed on Christ, I was able to understand and see so much more. Paul taught me that to truly love God, you had to love him by loving people.

Throughout my 8th grade year, our so called "motto" was Dirty Hands. It meant get your hands dirty for Christ, in wherever he called you to serve. That year for me it was in Union Springs, AL; a mission trip for only the 8th graders. We would go and serve some of the least of these and be the hands and feet of our Savior. Matthew 25:40- "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'' I was with 4 and 5 year old children in the VBS we did there. Oh, how they changed my life. They were some of the most precious children, that I have ever met. When Jesus tells us that whatever we do for the least, we also do for him, I think that when I was with those children was when I was best able see his face. I feel that I really saw Jesus through this kid named Jaderious. Jaderious was an African-American little boy, and Union Springs was very much still segregated. Therefore Jaderious was the outcast. I didn't notice him till much later during the week. I had kids constantly on top of me. Later one day, I felt a tap on my shoulder (I was giving a piggy-back ride to a girl named Caroline). It was Jaderious. He said, "Can I have a turn." I had never seen him and thought it was precious that he came up to me. "Sure," I said. Little Caroline on my back got very angry and told me to tell Jaderious to go away because we weren't supposed to play with people like him. It broke my heart to have 4 year old girl tell me that. It was then that I formed a special relationship with Jaderious, because when I told him to hop on, I saw a smile in his face that I had never before seen in a child. It reminded me of Christ's love for us. That so many times people reject him, but when you accept him, or tell him to "hop on" into your life, he smiles. That week was a life changing week for me and a great way to end my time in the Middle School Ministry. It was so cool to be on that trip with Paul, because just like me he has a huge love for God's children.

Later, on the night of August 31st my mom came home and came up to my room to finally tell me WHAT IN THE WORLD was going on. Paul had been dismissed. Whatever that meant, I was not sure, but all I knew is that Paul was no longer at Clearview (my church). I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. No, it wasn't possible. No one can get rid of Paul. Paul has changed the lives of more people at Clearview than anyone. What? No! I remember having all of this go through my head and once my mom left I burst in to tears. The verse Acts 8:31 came to my mind. It says, "How can I learn, without someone to guide me?" Paul had taught me everything and now he was gone, not from my life, just from my church. For me church is such a place of growth. You grow so much in your relationship with Christ and through Paul's teaching I was able to grow. What was going to happen now? I just started to pray. I prayed for acceptance, understanding, and for Paul, Erin, and their 2 kids. I couldn't even imagine what Paul was going through, if I was bawling my eyes out. Normally, when I go through hard circumstances I expierence 3 stages: a mad stage, a sad stage, and an acceptance stage. I should probably add a 4th one because right now, I am still so shocked. But God is God, and I have to continue to realize that God does all that he does for very specific reasons; reasons that constantly confuse me, but that he always clears up. I am still very close to Paul, Erin, Aubrey, and Brody and always will be, and I love them so very much.