I'm So Broken...Lord, Where's My Hello-Kitty Band-Aids???

Recently, I have found myself broken before the Lord...ALOT! I'm in this season that know one really likes to be. It's the kind of season where the Lord is trying to teach me so much that me head just starts turning and spinning with confusion. It's the kind of season that I will be thankful for in a year, but just want to be out of right now. I feel as if I am being led in so many directions. hearing so many voices, and not being able to pick out HIS. I want Him, I NEED Him, and I want His will to be done. I want His desires to be fulfilled, and I want to be able to accept anything He places in my path. That's easy to say...anything is easy to say, but It's so hard to actually do.
I'm studying the book of Ruth right now with my friend Danielle. If you know Ruth's story, then you know that she entered a land completely foreign, even when she was given multiple chances to turn back. She knew God wanted her to go with Naomi to Bethlehem. It's hard for me to know what I would have done if I would have been in Ruth's shoes. If God said, "Hey Caroline, I want you to go live in Algeria, (the first country I saw when I googled a map of Africa) where you don't know anyone, the language, or the ways of the society. I just want you to go and serve me. I will provide everything that you need. Just trust me and go." Would I go? I mean if God has just said go to China, there would have been no question...but Algeria. More than likely I would have said no. I would have rejected a chance for God to use me, a chance for me to be His hands and feet. Is that convicting or what???
It makes me wonder how many times I've said no to God for the little things. "Hey Caroline go sit with him. Hey Caroline, you love me right, then go to this." I know I've done. I want to be in a place where I can just say, "YES LORD." I want that so bad. I crave that. I want my Hello-Kitty Band-Aid, a chocolate-chip cookie, Survivor re-runs and for my life to just be perfect. Well...I'm far, far, ohhh so far from perfect.
I'm confused and upset with myself when I have struggles, or doubts. I know and trust though that struggles with God aren't a lack of faith, but they ARE faith. Anytime you struggle in a relationship, you always grow stronger, and wiser. I'm working on my relationship, and He's always holding a box of Hello-Kitty Band-Aids, even if I can't always see them. He's chiseling away my pride and selfishness, mending my beautiful, broken mess, and molding me into the Caroline He's long planned for me to be!

Praying for His Guidance

Psalm 119:105 says, "Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." I am praying, praying, praying for the Lord's guidance right now because He can see the bigger picture and I know that He knows what is best. I really like Psalm 119:105 because it is so misunderstood. People think that God is supposed to lay before them a road map, that tells them how far away the next step is, when to turn right, left or when to just keep going straight. A lamp only lights our way for a certain amount of yards. God will reveal His plan to us a little bit at a time and we have to keep holding onto Him and trusting Him as we follow His lighted path. With that being said, that is MY greatest struggle right now. After being in China this past June and witnessing God's heart for the orphans up close and personal, I know that that is my calling. I am just dying to hold little "Martha" in my arms, laugh with Lola, and kiss Jim right this very moment. I know the Lord has called me to go back to China, I just don't know when it is that I'm supposed to go back. THAT IS SOOO HARD TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND! I do know that God has called me to Nashville...Brentwood Academy...10th Grade....Forensics Team....Clearview Baptist Church....5th Grade SS Teacher...Youth Group...at this very season in my life. I need to honor Him with my gifts and talents here right now and be ALL here. If I'm not "all here" then I'm going to miss out of those special little encounters with Him that I crave daily. Jim Elliott said, "Wherever you are, be all there." Believe me, I'm trying, but it's definitely tough when I am so longing to be THERE! I am waiting, serving, and praying. I'm praying for His guidance. I am praying for Him to allow me to be ALL here. I am praying for him to slowly light the way that reveals what's next. I am excited, nervous, anxious and happy. I am His servant, His daughter, His follower. He takes great pleasure in me, the work that He has created. I need to strive daily to take great Delight in Him. I will go wherever, whenever, and however because I know that He will provide and equip me with the strength and abilities to carry His name throughout the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc7orBfhEmk

Rrriiigghhhttt?

Well, quite a while ago now, I decided to join the blogging world and since then I have completely FAILED at maintaining it. I didn't want to completely delete my blog and start over because I felt that the posts that I have posted are important things that God has spoken. Therefore, I have decided to start over but not at the same time. I'm really confusing rrriiiigghhhttt?
Anyways, my blog is becoming my journal. God speaks to me in some way, shape, or form everyday and it's time I start praising Him for His awesome deeds.

The Good Samaritan!

So...this happened quite a while ago but I never got around to blogging about it. Not being able to drive is very problematic, so I decided I would explore trails on my bike to see if any could lead to my friend Lane's house so that over the summer I could bike to see her. I was just turning down random roads and had been biking for about an hour when my peddles stopped going. They were rotating, but the rotating was leading anywhere. I didn't really know what to do because I was about 2-3 miles from my house. I started pushing my bike thinking, "Awesome! Really??? What in the world is wrong with my bike? It's not even that old and now I'm pushing it in heat for 3 miles." My happy, carefree, tree-hugging I love biking attitude quickly shifted. Some other bikers passed me and a few runners. They would just look at me pushing my back and then go on with there happy, carefree, tree-hugging biker/runner attitudes. However, there was this one guy that was running my way. He looked like he was in his 30's or so. As he got closer he took out his ipod head phones and asked me if I was all right. I told him that I was just biking along when all of the sudden the peddles stopped pushing me forward. He said the chain had just fallen off and he could easily put it back on. I was so thankful that the Lord had sent me a good Samaritan that was willing to stop his work-out and help me finish mine. Once the chain was on, his hands were pretty dirty. I told him I was sorry he had to stop and get all dirty but that I was very appreciative. He said no problem and then continued with his run. As I got back onto my bike, the chain was fixed, but now the peddles weren't moving at all. "Oh no," I thought, "what's going on now?" As I turned around to see if the man was still nearby I saw that he was already running back towards me. "Is it not working?" he asked. I told him that the peddles weren't moving at all. "Oh, your gears are just out of shift from the chain being off." He did a few more things than it was fixed. I remember saying thank you a billion times to him because he had been so nice to someone he hadn't even met. There's so many cruel, rude people nowadays, but there are still so much more good, and genuinely kind people. As I biked off I turned around to wave. He stayed on the trail and watched me for a few seconds to make sure that nothing else went wrong. My happy, carefree, tree-hugging I love biking, thankful for nice people attitude was back! God really showed me, through that man, what it looks like to be a good Samaritan.

I'm Cinderella and My Daddy's the King of THE World

Friday night, I was able to go to Show Hope's Cinderella Night! It was...MAGICAL! Some amazing actors and actresses performed Roger and Hammerstein's version of Cinderella. At the end Steven Curtis Chapman sang Cinderella and Spring is Coming. During the last song he was accompanied by children who had once been orphans but had now found their forever families. They were precious and I wanted them all. Hearing his words and watching those children gave me chills. I know they Lord has called me to adopt and I can't wait to see the plans he has for me this summer while working with orphanages in China.

It's God's Money

Towards the end of April we had a high school retreat. We were given the opportunity to take an envelope with a $5, $10, or $20 dollar bill inside. The money was God's money and you were suppose to pray about it and then use it in whatever way God wanted you to. After praying about it, my best friend Lindsey and I decided we would do a Bake Sale/Lemonade Stand to multiply God's money and use it in various ways to glorify him. We made a cute flyer to give to everyone who bought something or donated money to our "Goodies for Good Works" so they knew what their money was going towards. Lindsey and I stayed up until about 2 AM they night before and woke up at 8 to get our fundraisor (sp) started. After 5 long hours we found ourselves with $224. My $20 bill and Lindsey's $10 bill from our envelopes had definitely multiplied and we were so excited. The story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 comes to mind when I think of the way our money was multiplied. The Lord simply told me and Lindsey to bring him what we had and he was would use it to help many. We hope to do 3 or 4 more Bake Sales/Lemonade Stands throughout the Summer and continue to raise more money. Below I've inserted portions from our flyer because I have no idea how to actually insert the flyer.

GOODIES FOR GOODWORKS!!!!!

Your Donations Can Change an Orphan’s World, help Flood Victims, sponsor mission trips, and go towards an HPLS patient!

Where Are Your Donations Going:

-Lindsey’s Mission Trip to Missouri and Caroline’s Mission Trip to China

-Nashville Flood Victims

Philippians 2:4- Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Ayden was born about 3 weeks ago and is currently in recovery in the PCCU. .He was born with HPLS (hypoplastic left heart syndrome). In layman's terms, the left side of his heart is grossly underdeveloped, which leaves the right side to do all of the work. He has gone through his first surgery and will continue to deal with this problem and have various surgeries throughout his life. His mom, Allison was both of our 7th grade Literature teachers. A portion of our donations while go towards helping
the Mills Family!

Flood Moments

Wow!!! Never in my life have I seen anything more crazy in Nashville then THE FLOOD! Driving around Saturday, I didn't think much of it. You know, just the normal rain that comes quite often here lately. It just kept getting harder and by about 4 in the afternoon it was getting BAD. Erin, Aubrey, and I were driving to the BA Dance Show and every road we turned on was getting closed because certain parts were flooding. Sunday, the same thing happened. By Monday, there was over a billion dollars worth in damage and EVEN Brentwood Academy had cancelled school. There are so many people that need help. Just the other day, I was riding my bike through River Oaks with a friend. I hadn't been able to go inside a flooded house and help anyone yet, but this lady was cleaning off her porch and looked like she needed help. My friend and I went over there and soon found out it was Mrs. Yarbrough ad BA mom. She gave us a tour of her house, which was devastating. We were able to help her clean her porch and she was so grateful. I truly didn't know how bad the damage was until Mrs. Yarbrough showed me her house. The entire downstairs had been ripped up and they weren't even living there at the moment. As we were riding our bikes away all I could think of, was God doesn't guarenteed (sp) anyone tomorrow...only today and WHY IN THE WORLD DID THE LORD CHOOSE MY HOUSE TO BE SAFE? I very well could have had a flooded and demolished house, but by the Grace of God I didn't and I will forever be thankful. As I went home and told my mom about helping Mrs. Yarbrough she told me she had just talked to her a week before the flood. Their house had been on the market recently and it was one parents wanted to buy. My mom said her and Mrs. Yarbrough had talked about if our house sold had sold, we possibly would have made an offer on there house and if ours did sell this summer was she still interested in selling hers? Mrs. Yarbrough said yes and was giving my mom details of the house. She said they had always had flood insurence (sp) but at the beginning of this year decided not to renew it because of putting the house on the market, plus it hadn't flooded in 10 years. 1 week later their entire downstairs was flooded with no insurence (sp) to cover the damages. That could have been my house. My mom always complains about our house not selling. By the Grace of My Savior it hadn't sold yet, because if it had there is is a high chance we would be in the position the Yarbroughs are in right now. I can't wrap my mind around all this damage. It's insane. As soon as school gets out (JUST A FEW MORE DAYS!!!) I want to go start helping more flood victims because I know that if I had been in their shoes, with a flooded home, they would be helping me.